Dcn. Patrick O'Toole

Episode 4: Deacon Patrick O'Toole — Ministry on Wheels

"You never regret obedience. A man who struggles with pride, when he submits himself in humility and obeys, it never comes with regrets. Ever."

In Episode 4 of the Deacon Life Podcast, Deacon Patrick O'Toole shares one of the most unconventional ministry journeys you'll ever hear.

Patrick grew up in a faithful Catholic family in Kansas City—one of six children, now with 33 grandchildren in the extended family. He attended Catholic grade school, high school, and college. But at 35, his first wife left him, taking their three children to St. Louis.

That moment of crisis became a turning point. Patrick experienced a profound conversion, sparked by listening to Baptist preacher Dr. Charles Stanley, which drove him deep into Scripture for the first time. He pursued a theology degree, met his current wife, and together they built a blended family of 14 children (10 together, 4 from his first marriage).

Patrick left the restaurant business to work for the Church—first at a parish, then directing the diocesan marriage and family life office, then running the retreat center, then the missions office. Each time, he thought, "This is what God has been preparing me for." And each time, God had more surprises.

When his wife became a registered nurse, they discerned switching roles: she would earn the living, and he would homeschool the children while serving as a deacon wherever they landed. That decision led them to buy a bus and spend five years traveling the country as she worked travel nursing contracts—six months in Pennsylvania, six months in Washington State, six months in New York, six months in Arizona.

Patrick served in each parish along the way, doing Advent and Lenten missions, family ministry, and whatever else was needed. His bishop granted permission for two years, then extended it, then called him home—only to release him again when circumstances changed.

What did this unusual path teach his family?

"My kids have no fear of change," Patrick says. "And they've seen how my wife and I trust God and pray about every decision. When you live in such close proximity, whatever's going on—there's no hiding it. They've seen us trust God in the hard moments, and it's made them deeply faithful."

Now the younger children gather for "dad lore" nights, climbing onto their parents' bed to hear more of Patrick's story. "What? Yeah, that was me at 27," he tells them.

Patrick speaks honestly about his biggest struggle: workaholism. His first marriage ended partly because he was working six days a week and golfing on his day off. When he switched to working for the Church, he admits, "I didn't change my behavior. I'm just selling God instead of selling waffles and cheeseburgers." His wife helps him maintain boundaries—especially protecting date night.

His advice for men discerning the diaconate is direct: "If you think God might be calling you, he is. That thought didn't enter your mind randomly. Jump in."

In this episode:

• Growing up in a faithful Kansas City Catholic family
• Divorce at 35 and conversion through Dr. Charles Stanley
• Building a blended family of 14 children
• Working for the Church: parish, retreat center, missions office
• The bishop's lesson: "The Church calls you to the mission field"
• Ministry on wheels: traveling the country on a bus
• Learning to appreciate the universal Church across many parishes
• Raising children who have no fear of change
• "Dad lore" nights—children gathering to hear his story
• Workaholism, boundaries, and protecting date night
• 3 AM adoration: "The world is so quiet"
• Christ the King Sunday and the priest who takes liturgy seriously
• Ministry to the homebound: visiting 37 people a month